*raises hand* // *waits for mic* // *gestures frantically while mentioning ability to project* // *wonders if making this point is really worth the hassle* // *starts talking* // *realizes mic is off* // *gets flustered* // *turns mic on* // *taps mic too emphatically* // *makes self-deprecating comment about “never remembering to check if this is working, ha”* // *finally puts classroom out of its misery and begins speaking*
UHHHH HELLO, DELTA DARLINGS!!!!!!!!!!
jfk really said “ask what you can do” and so we made a newsletter. this is a space to celebrate the shining, shimmering, splendid people in our midst for accomplishments big and small, personal and professional, chaotic and mundane. we’re here to share information, spread joy, and hype each other up. we hope this weekly-ish email will be a reflection of all 60 deltas—so if you don’t see your name in this edition, you better believe we’ll be hitting you up to participate soon (you can say no if you want lol).
so without further adieu….. i am still emotionally wrecked from stats this week, and this is the Delta Digest:
OOTD (outfits of the deltas)
Ask the Emmas
You’ve got Qs, they’ve got As. Emmas C, H, and W are dolling out the best advice this side of the Charles.
Frigid Franklin asks: These dark and chilly days are bumming me out!! What advice do you have for overcoming the winter blues?
C: Take yourself on a #HotGirlWalk no matter what the weather is. As the old saying goes, there’s no bad weather, only bad clothes. bundle up, pop in your headphones, and get outside for some fresh air!
H: The key to becoming a hardy New Englander is layering. I like to go: bottom sheet, my body, top sheet, fleece blankie, the weight of existential dread, comforter, but any combination of these components will do the trick.
W: I’d lean into the dreariness and organize a cozy day in with some friends to do a fun, non-school activity together. This could include cooking/baking, watching a movie, making artwork, board games, etc.
Titillated Tabitha asks: There's a 🔥🥵very hot🥵🔥 MPP2 in my elective and I confirmed they're single. How do I catch their eye this valentine's day?
C: For this, you have to channel one of the most beloved, well-regarded Harvard alum - Elle Woods. Drop a pen next to their desk and bend…….and SNAP!
H: You have already caught their eye, trust me (100% sure p <0.00001 that you are hotter). If you want to be extra sure you snaggle their attention, you could bust out the Mark Dolan Signature Move© in the microwave line.
W: Are you really asking me for this type of advice?
Mathematical Martha asks: Help! I’m stressed about API 202! Will my career be destroyed forever if I don’t become an R master this semester?
C: No ❤️
H: Only a pirate would be worried about that. MPP mateys should fear not
W: Yes ❤️
Recommendations
📺 Dennis, who has been to all 48 states in the continental U.S., is watching Seinfeld to relive his childhood.
📚 Raj, who learned to drive when he was 10 years old (editor’s note: he was probs a better driver as a kid than most drivers in Cambridge amirite), is reading Can We Talk About Israel?: A Guide to the Curious, Confused, and Conflicted.
🎵 Robin, whose mom wanted to name her Bluebell (Blu for short . .. . .not Bell. … .), is listening to Charlotte Day Wilson.
Shout Outs
🍬 Isaac is so unbelievably kind. He can turn even the darkest day into one filled with laughter and light. What a gift!!!
🧠 Kamya is brilliant and relentlessly humble. She also wears the HECK out of a puffer jacket and inspires every delta to avoid the all-neutral wardrobe.
🏆 I always hear Chuck.. like.. getting legislation passed in Virginia from the third floor of the forum?? and that’s really cool??!
Events
Per the whatsapp: Mark (and Chuck!! we love a delta roommie pair heh) are hosting folks for the Super Bowl.
next thursday is the return of DDD, and we’re not talking about Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. (or are we??) DELTA DEEP DIVES ARE BACK, BABYYYY. Mark your ical/ gcal/ zcal/ cal ifornia for 4:30 p.m.
we’re also doing a norms refresh next thursday after DDD!
valentine’s day is monday: What’s your favorite love song??? bad answers only.
Guess the Delta
Back in the days of playground antics and spaghetti construction projects (no, not last week, like 15 years ago), this baby delta was mastering his smize. Who is he?? That’s one secret we’ll never tell (jk pls freely speculate)
Miscellaneous
You’re a captive audience (only this week though, you can unsubscribe 🥲) so this is the perfect time to advance my Primary Professional Interest of informing the world about #behavioralvalentines
don’t have a statistically significant other? don’t worry, there’s a behavioral valentine for everyone!
just can’t get enough? that’s okay, me neither. here’s a parting valentine for you - and a link to generate your own.
Parting question
Spyce is closing next week! reply to this email and let us know what you think should go in its place!!!! No implementation plan required (…. for now).
thanks for reading *THE* first issue!!! we’d love your feedback: what did you like? what fell flat? who should we feature next? what other information are you clamoring for??? the content runneth over for those willing to grab a cup.
okay happy fri! xoxo <3
Deltas always spreading the love! Only if the writers would reveal themselves…
LOVE, this is unreal